More McGuffin Madness
by Red Witch
Summary: Another outtake from EVOXMJ! This time we get to see what else the Coyote did when he invaded the mansion. What didn't he do?


**The Coyote stole the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters or pretty much anything else. Agent G and a lot of you wanted to see more madness with the Coyote from the chapter 'The McGuffin Blues' in Evolution XMJ. And here it is. Be careful what you wish for…**

**More McGuffin Madness**

"Well now I'm an official student of Empire State University," Jean sighed as Scott drove her and Professor Xavier home. "It will be a nice change from Bayville."

"Just don't expect too much of a change," Scott told her. "Just because there are no mutant bans in New York City doesn't mean people are more tolerant of mutants."

"Scott you need to keep an open mind," Xavier told him as they entered the Institute Driveway.

"It is open," Scott told him. "Open to the possibilities of riots, protests, lawsuits and whatever other kind of insanity that crosses our path."

"Scott that's really pessimistic," Jean chided him as they exited the vehicle.

"No, it's realistic," Scott told her.

"Jean has a point. It's not healthy to have such a negative outlook," Xavier said. "Bad things don't always happen to us."

As they entered the foyer of the Institute they heard a loud whoop of joy. "It's party time!" A large silver coyote wearing a red dress and high heels slid down the banister. "Jean! Scott! Professor! Darlings! Welcome home!"

"Quicksilver?" Jean blinked.

"Not quite but just as handsome!" The Coyote grinned.

"You were saying?" Scott asked.

"On the other hand…" Xavier sighed.

The Coyote gave a sloppy kiss to each of them. "Bleach!" Scott spat. "What are you and where the hell did you come from? And…Is that Amara's dress?"

"Isn't it divine?" The Coyote twirled around. "I told her it looked better on me!"

"YOU!" Lance burst through the door. "You are so dead! You hear me fleabag! Dead!"

_"I'm not dead yet!"_ The Coyote sang as it ran away.

"NO, BUT YOU SOON WILL BE!" Lance chased after it.

"Does anyone have a clue what the hell that was all about?" Scott asked.

"Even with my mental powers it's a mystery to me," Xavier admitted.

"Typical," Jean wiped the slobber off her face. "Go away for one day and the place goes bananas." She saw Logan and Spirit walk up to them. "Would someone please tell me what **that **was all about?"

"Blame the Misfits," Logan said.

"That's pretty much a given," Scott said sarcastically. "What did they do this time?"

"Technically it was only Trinity that started the trouble," Spirit told him. There was a loud scream and the building shook for a moment. "And maybe Lance."

"**Maybe **Lance?" Scott yelled.

"Well it is his stupid imaginary friend that started it all," Logan grumbled.

"Am I missing something?" Xavier raised an eyebrow. "How exactly is Lance responsible for…"

"TRA LA LA! LA LA LA!" The Coyote skipped by them again.

"That?" Xavier pointed in the direction the Coyote left.

"You know how Avalanche sometimes hallucinates due to the chemicals Magneto injected him with?" Spirit sighed.

"No," Scott shook his head. "That's news to me."

"We knew he sometimes had trouble controlling his powers and sometimes…Sleepwalks," Xavier admitted.

"We learned that fun fact the hard way," Jean groaned.

"Well…" Spirit sighed. "He does. And usually he sees a talking coyote that sounds and acts exactly like Quicksilver. And the Coyote likes to torment him. Of course nobody sees it but him, usually."

"So what are you saying?" Scott asked. "Lance has an imaginary **enemy?"**

"Yes," Spirit told him.

"Only Lance could come up with an imaginary enemy," Jean rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well…" Logan grumbled. "We all know Avalanche's wheelbarrow's got a few rocks missing."

"Alvers indeed has a highly disturbed mind," Xavier frowned.

"You're just figuring this out **now?"** Scott asked. "I've been saying that for **years!" **

"Scott anyone would be disturbed if they had to put up with a Quicksilver version of a coyote," Jean said. 

"You have a point," Scott agreed. Trinity skipped into the room. "And speaking of disturbed minds…"

"Long story short these maniacs brought this machine into the mansion and turned it on," Logan pointed.

"It's called the McGuffin Device," Daria told them.

"It makes fantasies reality," Brittany said.

"Whoever touches it literally can have their dreams come true," Quinn said.

"And of course Lance touched it," Jean guessed.

"Actually his was already programmed in from before," Daria said.

"Here's a rather stupid question," Scott looked at the girls. "Why not just simply hit the off switch on this McGuffin Device?"

"What off switch?" Brittany blinked.

"There is no off switch?" Scott's tone indicated that he was not surprised.

"Nope," Quinn shook her head.

"Of course there isn't," Scott sighed. "Why make our lives easier by putting in an off switch?"

"Exactly," Daria agreed.

"Yeah well I'm afraid it gets worse," Logan sighed. "See a couple of the kids made a mistake of touching it too."

"And now some of their secret desires, fantasies and figments are running loose," Spirit said.

"HA HA!" Something small and furry bamphed into the room and appeared on Xavier's shoulder. "Hello!" It looked like an exaggerated cartoon version of Kurt with a huge nose and big bright eyes. "I'm Bamph! Will you be my friend?"

"Let me take a guess," Scott looked at Logan. "Kurt was one of the kids who touched it?"

"However did you know?" Logan asked sarcastically.

"I like you!" Bamph hugged Xavier's head. "Your head is so shiny!"

"Well…" Xavier blinked. "This isn't so bad."

"Oh really?" Logan grumbled as he went to a closet door and opened it. Dozens of Bamphs were in there. "You were saying?"

"HI THERE! HI THERE!" The Bamphs teleported all over the room and all over the X-Men.

"Friendly little guys aren't they?" Scott blinked as two of them hugged him.

"Yeah a little **too** friendly!" Jean brushed one off. "Watch the hands!"

"There are dozens of these little buggers singing and dancing and saying nice happy things," Logan knocked one into the wall. "It's enough to make you puke!"

"Somebody needs a hug!" Another Bamph tackled him.

"Somebody needs a pest control expert!" Logan groaned.

"Aww…" Brittany squeezed one tightly. "They're so cute!"

"They remind me of Smurfs on acid," Daria looked at one.

"Didn't we do that once?" Quinn asked. "Dip Smurfs in acid?"

"Yeah that was fun!" Brittany grinned.

"Uh oh…" The Bamph Brittany was holding gulped. "See ya!" He teleported away along with the other Bamphs.

"Well that's one way of getting rid of 'em," Logan snorted as he waved the brimstone smoke away from his face.

Kurt walked into the room carrying two more Bamphs. "Kurt where the heck did you come up with these things?" Scott asked.

"Oh well when I was I child I didn't have many friends to play with so…" Kurt shrugged.

"So basically we're infested with **your** imaginary childhood playmates," Logan groaned.

"Hey," Kurt gave him a look. "At least they're not cross dressing coyotes!"

"Or as bad as Multiple's," Daria nodded.

"Multiple's?" Scott blinked. "What? What are his like or do I want to know?"

"I think we're about to find out," Jean pointed.

Several adult versions of Jamie walked in. They were all dressed in action clothes and looked very muscular. "Hello ladies!" One of them wearing a tuxedo grinned.

"Hey Logan! Let's go spar at the gym and pump some iron," One Jamie was in workout clothes.

"Perhaps the good professor and I can debate mutant evolution?" A very brainy looking, well-dressed and muscular Jamie asked.

"Or we can plan a strategy session to take out the Misfits," Another one was dressed as a soldier.

"That one I'm willing to try," Scott told them.

"There you guys are," The real Jamie ran in. "I told you to keep close to me!"

"Sorry boss," The Jamie Clones said.

"Let me take a wild guess," Jean smirked. "Jamie these are all images of who you want to grow up to be right?"

"Well yeah," Jamie was a little embarrassed. Then he was proud again. "But look at all the possibilities! They're all me! Isn't it cool? I could end up like any one of them!"

"Yoo hoo!" A pink clad Jamie adult pranced in. "Oh what a happy lovely sparkly day! Oh! Are we all playing dress up? I wanna be a princess! Does anyone have pink lipstick and a tiara I could borrow?"

Everyone looked at Jamie. "Except **him!** I have no idea where **that one** came from!" Jamie protested. He turned to his clones. "GET HIM!"

"And you thought **Lance** was disturbed?" Spirit asked Xavier as Jamie and his clones ran out the room.

Suddenly a small crowd of people entered into the room from the upstairs. "Tabitha! Tabitha!" Photographers shouted as they took her picture. Men and women were jumping up and down screaming as Tabitha mugged for the camera and signed an autograph book.

"Oh my god! I got Tabitha's autograph! Isn't she the coolest!" A teenage girl shrieked.

"Anything for my fans!" Tabitha was clearly enjoying herself. "More pictures? Why not?"

"Who are all **these** guys?" Scott asked.

"My fan club," Tabitha told him. "And my photographers."

"Oh my god! It's Tabitha! I got a picture of Tabitha!" One man jumped up and down shrieking. He went over to Logan. "Can you believe it? It's really her! I could just die! Couldn't you just die?"

Logan looked at the others. "I'm starting to get attached to the Coyote in a dress."

"You should see what Amara cooked up in the living room," Tabitha chuckled as she pointed down the hall.

"We might as well check it out," Scott shrugged. They went and peeked inside the room. "Oh boy…"

Several muscular men in black leather and collars were waiting on Amara hand and foot. She was using one as a footstool. "Your caviar Mistress…" One handed her a tray.

"We got some real sick kids living here…" Logan grumbled.

"Not just the kids," Jean pointed.

Hank was standing to the side with Shakespeare, Socrates and Einstein. The three historical figures were currently in a screaming match with each other. "Gentlemen please!" He pleaded. "This is not how the greatest minds of the world should act!"

"Go choke on some hemlock!" Shakespeare snapped as he slapped Socrates.

"Have a midsummer's' nights dream on this!" Socrates conked Shakespeare on the forehead. Einstein chuckled at the sight.

"What are thoust laughing at Einstein?" Shakespeare snapped as he slapped Einstein on the head.

"ERRRR!" Einstein was understandably perturbed. He then proceeded to whack both Shakespeare and Socrates. Then the three of them went at it in a manner reminiscent of the Three Stooges. "Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!"

"Oh give me a break," Logan slapped his forehead.

"This is your fantasy?" Scott asked Hank.

"Not exactly," Hank sighed. "I wished merely to converse with some of the world's greatest thinkers and writers."

"So what happened?" Spirit asked.

"Let's just say I should have thought out the menu before deciding to invite them for dinner," Hank told them.

"Greek food is superb!" Socrates yelled. "I want Lamb!"

"No! Beef and Kidney Pie!" Shakespeare snapped.

"I have always wanted to give Chinese a try," Einstein said before the other two hit him in the stomach. He hit them both in the face with his fists.

"This isn't exactly how I envisioned a conversation between these intellects would proceed," Hank blinked as the three historical figments continued to beat each other up.

"GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS YOU MANIACS!" Remy shouted as he chased several Bamphs in his underwear.

"Yo hoo! Remy! Wait for me!" The Pink Clad Jamie clone raced after him.

"COME BACK HERE!" Jamie and his adult clones chased after him.

Then the Coyote ran by laughing. Tabitha and Lance were chasing him along with Tabitha's fan club. "NOBODY STEALS MY SPOTLIGHT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" Tabitha screamed.

"Blow him up! Blow him up!" Lance shouted.

"I've heard of imaginations running amok but this is ridiculous," Xavier groaned.

"Where's this stupid McGuffin Device?" Scott asked.

"You're gonna try and blow it up aren't you?" Daria asked. "To get rid of all these figments."

"Is it that obvious?" Scott said sarcastically. "And what do you mean **try?"**

"It's kind of being guarded by that giant pink polka dotted dragon out there," Quinn pointed out the window.

"Who thought **that** one up?" Scott yelled. "It can't be Kitty! She already has a dragon!"

"I'll give you a clue," Brittany said. "It's the same person who thought up the giant plaid cow that gives root beer."

"BLOB YOU IDIOT!" Pietro was washed away by a tidal wave of root beer.

"Here we go…" Logan sighed as they went out to destroy the device.

"Funny how the more things change the more they stay the same," Jean sighed. "In our case that's a bad thing."


End file.
